Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
