you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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