let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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