You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just high enough for therapy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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