toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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