i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
