Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize