remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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