the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
