two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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