guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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