I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
