Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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