If that was your dad, he is hot
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
