All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
