dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize