I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
