i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize