u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
