butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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