Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
