That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
