I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
