I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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