Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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