I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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