To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
