TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
