P.S. I can't hear my feet
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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