Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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