I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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