Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
