weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You ruined the universe
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
