So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
