Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
