I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
