This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
