You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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