You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
