I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
