I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
