i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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