Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize