I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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