If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
