Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
