She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My bed smells like the plague
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
