I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
