I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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