dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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