What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
