You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
