So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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