high people should be assigned attendants
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
