She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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