I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize