yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
