I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
