haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
