i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
