I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
