i permit you to call me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
