Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
