Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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