Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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