you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
