Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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