Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
