I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
