FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
