In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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