Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
