I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
