Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
