Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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