This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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