yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
