Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
