I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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