How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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