oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
