Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
