C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
