Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
