So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
