something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
