Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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