We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
