He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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