some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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