I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
